Gospel Train!

Hi Folks,

I see a lot of Gospel Magicians. I see a lot of misguided souls, floundering around in horrible desolation.

Okay, I'm here to help you folks, just like the Good Lord did for that donkey in Jericho.

So can you give me an A-MEN?



I CAN'T HEAR YA!



NO, MAKE IT FUCKING LOUDER, YOU CRETINS......



Okay. That's better. Amen.



Well then.



Let's get something straight. I have performed for the last one hundred and sixty six Popes consecutively, plus a few others, long before that, and the only trick they actually like is the card on forehead. I don't know what it is, but they just love that trick.

I've tried all the other Gospel Magic classics, MOST OF WHICH I INVENTED BY THE WAY, like my classic routine, 'Gambler versus Lay-Reader', or my standout effect, 'Out of this Universe of Sin and Redemption and into the Arms of Christ Jesus Our Lord'.

All of these have fallen flat. Time and time again. I once performed a carefully prepared transubstantiation routine, involving red and white jewels, for Martin Luther, AND I DIDN'T EVEN DO IT IN LATIN, but it still fell flat. That man had no sense of humour, and his shit smelled really terrible. Ventilation wasn't great in those days.

But just do one stupid schmuck trick, and they'll want to have your Christian babies. Forget the Cups & Balls routine which tries to explain the Holy Trinity. Only closet-gay Pastors like that shit, and that's only because they're in denial.

I have a Gospel Magic book coming out, it will be a PDF, limited to 25 copies at $5,000 a pop. Paypal the usual address.

BS