Tuesday, 18 October 2011

Barry Solayme & Kaleb Forrestor Present: C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C

Now I pride myself on performing without gimmicks, often with a borrowed deck. I leave all the gizmos and gadgets to those who actually NEED them! But when Kaleb Forrestor approached me with the "Completely Ultra No Threads Or Magnets Awesome Totally Incredible Control" device, along with a fat cheque from E-52/11, well I had to sign up immediately. As I once said, "a foolish consistency is the Hoboken of little minds!"

Well, minds don't get much bigger or less consistent than mine; so welcome, folks to a new era in magic. Welcome, all of you, to the C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C......



"Control any object, any time, any place, to any location.... C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C.

Watch, as your spectators succumb to apoplectic fits..... C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C.

Be the coolest Street Magician in your town..... C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C.

The C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C. By Barry Solayme & Kaleb Forrestor. Own it. Now."
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29 comments:

  1. Tom18 October 2011 at 17:18

    Great Barry, I've got it on pre-order right now. Does it require long sleeves?

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  2. Barry Solayme18 October 2011 at 17:22

    Richie, there is a minor clothing requirement, but as most guys perform wearing tuxedos and frilly dress shirts, that shouldn't be a problem for real "workers".

    BS

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  3. Tom18 October 2011 at 17:24

    OK, I was hoping to use it for street magic, but hey, it sounds great. How bulky is the g*****k? And how are the angles?

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  4. Barry Solayme18 October 2011 at 17:27

    No more bulky than you'd expect, Richie. I don't want to risk EXPOSURE here. Angle-wise, as long as you're one-on-one, with you sitting and them standing opposite, looking down directly at your hands, it's ANGLE-PROOF!!!

    BS

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  5. Barry Solayme18 October 2011 at 17:32

    And besides, I do all MY street magic in a tux. Sitting down.

    BS

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  6. terran19 October 2011 at 00:24

    Hey Barry
    do you need someone competent to review it? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Barry Solayme19 October 2011 at 01:43

    Mr Terran, a review promo is winging its way to you right now!

    BS

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  8. R.S. Licker19 October 2011 at 01:49

    Not in the post this morning. Any idea when these will be ready Barry?

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  9. Barry Solayme19 October 2011 at 01:53

    It's called PRE-ORDER for a reason Richie, for Chrissakes. I gather there may be a delay, but Kaleb is coming online to bring you all up to date...

    BS

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  10. Tom19 October 2011 at 02:27

    Hi Guys,

    First up, thanks to all those hundreds who have pre-ordered! You WON"T be disappointed with the C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C., it will literally REVOLUTIONISE the way you perform magic.!!

    Dellusionist has encountered problems with the DVD replication process, but they are working on it day and night, and in the meantime, all those who pre-ordered can watch the promo video on the website.

    FullOfIt 52 are making the 'devices', and they are experiencing some minor technical difficulties, but I'm SURE these will be sorted out VERY SOON!!!

    We'll be offering, for free, to all pre-order customers my "Ultra-New-Mega Jazz Aces" routine by way of compensation, and I can't say fairer than that!!

    Also, due to the weight and size of the 'device', the shipping will be $79 in the U.S., going up to $139.99 for International delivery. When the package arrives, you'll KNOW it was worth it!!!

    Peace out dudes,

    Kaleb

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  11. Tom19 October 2011 at 02:32

    That's great to hear Kaleb, thanks for the total honesty and full disclosure. I know this is gonna ROCK!!

    Hey terran, any chance of a review?!

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  12. Tom19 October 2011 at 02:37

    I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I WANT IT!

    Can't WAIT for this one!!! lol

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  13. Tom19 October 2011 at 02:40

    I don't usually pre-order, but in THIS case.... lol

    Review please?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Tom19 October 2011 at 02:46

    We saw this demoed at Magic Live, and this is the Worker of the Decade!

    Check it out on the Wizard Product Review, we'll have an exclusive on this.

    Love your work Barry & Kaleb!

    Dave

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  15. Barry Solayme19 October 2011 at 04:15

    I just wanted to say I was working this last night and it FREAKING KILLED!! One lady had to be revived by paramedics, right after I produced the grapefruit out of her ass!!!

    You guys are gonna love this!

    BS

    (Kaleb, is this right sort of thing?)

    ReplyDelete
  16. terran19 October 2011 at 15:36

    Ok guys, my review promo C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C. has arrived.

    I unfortunately don't have the necessary power tools to set the g*****k up yet..
    ALso I have to get my tuxedo from the dry cleaners back.

    Expect a raving review in a few days!

    ps. The stuff is just amazing, by the way! Elegant in construction, the clever device and method is just as amazing as the effects you can do with it!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Tom19 October 2011 at 16:12

    Great news Terran!!

    You should be able to hire the angle grinder and rotary lathe from a good hardware store - after that it's just a simple hook up to the portable generator. Happy times ahead my friend!!!

    I was particularly pleased with the mango load attachment, let us know how it goes dude!

    Peace,

    Kaleb

    ReplyDelete
  18. Barry Solayme21 October 2011 at 18:47

    I TOTALLY ROCKED with this out on the street yesterday. I had a whole family declare me a Voodoo master before running into the nearest church for Sanctuary.

    BUY IT NOW!!!!!

    BS

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  19. R.S. Licker21 October 2011 at 18:48

    Still no CUNTOMATIC.... Any news Barry/Kaleb?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Tom21 October 2011 at 18:52

    Don't pick at me you asshole. I told you it was on fucking pre-order, bitch. You've already got my totally new take on Jazz Aces, what more could you ask for.

    Go stuff your head up a duck's ass.

    Peace,

    Kaleb

    lol

    ReplyDelete
  21. Tom21 October 2011 at 18:59

    Just a quick check (can't WAIT for the delivery guys!!!) For coin vanishes, will the coins 'speak' or am I covered?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Tom21 October 2011 at 19:03

    The almost imperceptible hum of the g*s generator usually masks any noise. But I would point out that the C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C. is not best suited to coins or cards. Or spongeballs. Or balloons.

    Oh, no.

    The C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C. is for ANY object, at ANY time, in ANY place! Large pieces of fruit for preference.

    Peace,

    Kaleb

    ReplyDelete
  23. Tom21 October 2011 at 19:07

    I had a look at your Jazz Aces routine, (love your work, by the way), and it kinda reminded me of a piece by Darwin Ortiz. Probably just my ol' memory playin' up.

    (still waitin' for the mailman)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Tom21 October 2011 at 19:10

    Thanks, "Billy Silver", you no-mates cunt. You'll get your fucking product, you wanker. I haven't even heard of Darwin Fucking Ortiz. Who the fuck's that?

    Peace

    Kaleb

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  25. Tom21 October 2011 at 19:14

    The man who has a portable generator, is the man who is never without light.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Barry Solayme23 October 2011 at 21:29

    In the early hours of this morning, I sent a man to his grave after pulling a watermelon out of his sternum. THIS LITERALLY FRICKIN' KILLS!!!!

    BS

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  27. R.S. Licker23 October 2011 at 21:33

    Still nothing in the mail.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Barry Solayme3 November 2011 at 20:41

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Barry Solayme3 November 2011 at 20:47

    Sad to say, folks, the C.U.N.T.O.M.A.T.I.C. has been withdrawn from sale. This is due to too many fatalities caused by rectal fruit extraction. I hope all you folks are not too vexed with the money issue; Kaleb will be sending you his "Ultra-Mega-New-Twisty-Twist-The-Aces" routine by way of compensation. For those who paid out the $3478.99 (plus P+P) I am sure this will come as a relief!

    Let's twist again, folks!!!

    BS

    ReplyDelete

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