Jizz-Monkeys at the Cafe

After reading these cretins work themselves up into a feeding frenzy over Peter Nardi, yes, Peter Nardi for fuck's sake,

http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/viewtopic.php?topic=539697&forum=218&136&start=120

I have the following news bulletin:

IT"S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS YOU STUPID CUNTS.

Despite the fact that Alakazam refuse to stock the CUNTOMATIC, WANKR, or ANY OF MY BOOKS, they are one of the few decent companies out there.

Peter Nardi may have stolen all his ideas from yours truly, but if you ask him for a refund he'll fucking give you one. He might not choose to do it through the medium of the Magic fucking Cafe, however. I'd leave that to some unprofessional shit-wit like.... well, take your pick.

Thank you, MagicKatie, fierce consumer watchdog for the unwashed. Thank you, JackMagic, valiant righter of non-existent wrongs and defender of hypothetical victims. Why don't you two just go after a business with poor ethics and and a track record of bad service?

Now, let me think....... Oops, that's right, if you attack WMS you get banned!

BS

Card in a fucking box already.

Hi folks,

Well, last year, we had this:

And this:

But, AND IT'S A BIG FUCKING BUT, many years ago, we had this:

And then this guy came along:

And then this guy showed up:

And they then blazed a trail to the situation we find ourselves in today: COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FUCKED UP OUR OWN FUCKING ASSES.

Why improve on genius? Oh, yeah, it's because people like this ....

 

... don't know what the fucking hell they are doing. Never mind the "routine". What a switch! My grandmother could switch her left tit for a cabbage better than that. Just watch that guilty fucking switch. If he gets that box into his chest any further it would result in a male mastectomy, which in his case would probably count as corrective surgery. And then watch the rest. And then take a fucking shotgun, and blow your own brains out.

"Good work," says the underwhelmed shopper, when witnessing this half-baked, poorly performed shit. The next effort is treated with the silent contempt it deserves. By a child. 

Whereas, "Oh Jesus Christ, it's a fucking miracle," thinks the audience, when watching Tommy Wonder, "I have just cum."

If you are thinking about making a box, or if you know someone like Matthew Wright ,who has just done this:

http://vimeo.com/83464157

Then, please, just fuck off. And go read a book. Or have a wank. Or anything else you fancy. Just no more fucking card to boxes. 

BS

[And yes, I know the card in box predates Tommy Wonder. I fucking invented it in 1672. I showed it to a certain monarch, in fact, but that's a different story.]

********************************

P.S. Thanks to Craigie, I can show you a beautiful piece of comedy magic!

Who would have thought that David Penn would have taken so much effort to play this wonderful joke on the magic community? Well done, David, you spared no expense. Thanks buddy!

ECKWIVOAK!

Yes Folks,


I always thought that the word "equivoque" was pronounced accordingly. Kinda like "eckwivockay". Only more Frenchified.


No. I was wrong.



Thanks to the handsome Craig Petty:

I now know that it is pronounced as........

ECKWIVOAK!

Now lick your frigging fingers. Tools.

BS